someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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