She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
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Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
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I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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