This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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