got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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