I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
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He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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