watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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