At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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