not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Everything about him screamed your future.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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