Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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