my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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