Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize