I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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