malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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