i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
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I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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