So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
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and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
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Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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