Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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