The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize