woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
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I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ladies don't puke and tell
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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