i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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