isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize