I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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