Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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