Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
this beer tastes like vomit already
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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