So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize