my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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