Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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