Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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