And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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