I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What a dumb baby whore.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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