i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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