Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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