the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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