I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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