i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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