She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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