found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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