Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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