We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
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When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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