found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize