thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize