I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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