i'm signing you up for texting rehab
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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