So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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