So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
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I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize