I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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