It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
After tacos, we're chasing women.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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