I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
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For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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