I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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