Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
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I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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