highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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